The Snout

It’s not that I don’t like dogs – I do. I like well-behaved, respectful dogs who understand the concept of personal space. My roommate’s dog is not one of those dogs. She’s a Doberman and apparently, they don’t have horrible habits, they have breed characteristics.

The one I hate just now is the one I’m calling the “Dobie Snout” maneuver. This involves the body part in question being forcibly shoved into my crotch. Did I mention that the snout is often wet, so it leaves me looking like I just pissed myself? There is also a rearward variation of “Snout” which happens when I carelessly bend over to pick up a dropped item or tie my shoes. Then I get a hard, bony snout shoved into my ass, knocking me over. If I’m especially lucky that day, the dog has been grubbing in the garden and this leave me with a muddy smear across my butt that looks like, well…

Just this morning, the dog came running up to greet me as I got out of my car. She bared her teeth and shoved her snout way to close to my private bits. The teeth-baring thing looks creepy as hell on an animal that looks like it should have a Nazi guard on the other end of the leash and has those teeth in my crotch.


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